A look into my mind.

mydearjefferson @ 2008-02-01T00:52:00

2008-02-01T05:59:29Z

Lately I feel like my life is a terribly written soap opera. Hopefully the show will get canceled soon.

Ooooooh second Day Of Classes

2008-01-30T06:01:30Z

Let me begin this blog by saying that last night, I had the BEST SLEEP EVER! I don't know why....well actually yes I do. My brothers and sisters were not around to wake me up, I fixed the slant in my mattress the night before, I turned the tv off as soon as Chris fell asleep, I'm finally used to being back at school, I was tired from the gym, and I got to sleep in! Wow, I slept until 1pm! truuuuue story. Then I had to go to my first philosophy class. It was pretty good I suppose. I didn't really know what to expect because I didn't really know what one who studies philosophy studies...But yeah like I said, I think I like it. My teacher is also crazy btw. Then Alaina and I stopped by to see Mr. B because it was his first day as a college teacher and we wanted to wish him luck, he was nervous I guess.

....Lots of time passes where nothing at all happens.....very boring.

Then I had to go to Plant taxonomy. That seems like its going to be a challenging course. Its a level 500. But there's field trips! So you cant beat that lol.

When I got back from that class there was a message waiting for me in my inbox from the boy of my dreams.

It was a good day.

Familiar Surroundings

2008-01-27T06:18:38Z

So I'm back in Fred, and I have to say I feel surprisingly at home. I know they say "home is where you make it" but I really haven't made one here so I don't know why Im happy to be back. Oh well, I never make sense.

The move in went pretty smooth, I tried to beat Chris back so I could move some stuff around in the room to make room for my keyboard but he beat me here. But it was fine because he left shortly after and that gave me time to switch things up a bit. After that I basically did nothing, I practiced like a mad man but in the words of John Cage "Instruments are useless things, hearing....playing.....nothing is accomplished." So yeah, I did nothing.

This semester I'm really going to strive to do well academically. My GPA really needs improvement. I'll probably end up taking classes at ECC this summer just so I can improve it..blah. This semester I will be taking Bio II w/ Lab, Chem II w/ lab, Plant Taxonomy, Piano, and Philosophical Inquiry...funfun..not.

idk, there was something I really wanted to blog about but now I can't remember.

I had a fun dream last night. Noelle, Nichelle, Rick, Aj, and myself all went skydiving! I really liked it because it was one of those really vivid ones where you feel like your falling. But it was a comfortable fall knowing that I had my parachute. We were aiming to land on a small island in the middle of the ocean that was so small you couldn't even see it from the plane. Then when we landed we had a tropical themed island party lol? Idk, it was a fun one. Buts not the thing I wanted to blog about, I still cant remember that one...

Boring Day

2008-01-24T22:54:59Z

Yes it was a boring day indeed. But I did write a new song! Ladies and Gentleman I present to you the score for Threat Level: Midnight - Starring Agent Michael Scarn!

http://www.macjams.com/song/38735

Sometime I Just Wish Someone Would Leave A Note On My Door Saying When And Where

2008-01-22T05:15:47Z

Today was bananas, but in a good way. It started off boring...it was snowing like crazy and I was uber bored. But I called Kitty and she came and got Noelle and myself and we went shopping for some new clothes. Well I guess you can't really say they were new, we ended up going to Plato's closet first and I bought many clothes for cheap cheap cheap! Then we went back to Kitty's for a while and then we went to Target and then the Olive Garden! Mmmm. But our adventures were far from over. Next stop was the Mall. I ended up buying some stuff there...I've spent more money on clothes this break than I ever have in my life, which is ironic because im not working. My only source of income is selling all of my possesions lol. But its fine because I really wanted to go back to school with new clothes. We went to the Sears so I could buy new shoes but we got kicked out because they were closed lol. oooh man. Then we went to Tim Hortons and Wallgreens. Wow I'm just now realizing all the ground we covered. But it was a good day overall. I was supposed to hang out with Amy today but she never called......oh well her loss!

My sister and I aren't close at all. But last night she came over for her birthday and before she left I wanted to tell her about my recently public life secret. Well she basically said that she already knew and she joked about it. It was pretty funny. But like I said we aren't close at all but about an hour after she left she sent me a text on my phone and the message was by far the nicest thing shes ever said to me. It basically said "blah blah blah thanks for telling me, I hope I didnt make it hard for you" It was like wow, you DO have a heart. So for now shes on my good list, we shall see how long that lasts.

Just Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out, Drop In, Switch Off, Switch On, And EXPLODE

2008-01-20T20:19:11Z

So my last entry was a little dramatic. It was rough, but such is life.

And its a new day and Im feeling kinda better. I've had a great week and I'm thankful for so much. Mostly for my friends. You guys are amazing, and I'm talking about every single one of you. It's been so nice to see everyone over break. I felt like I needed it.

Three Words: Chocolate Penis Cake!

Last night I saw Cloverfield with Sean and Heeb. It was fuckin' crazy. I have never seen a movie that was that thrilling before. Then I hung out with Noelle and Nichelle and we watched Ratatouille. Now mostly everyone is back at school except for us lame Fredonians. Meh.

I'm a ticking bomb, and my timers running low

2008-01-15T04:16:11Z

It only took reading those five words once to make me want to kill myself. I mean, I knew I never stood a chance but it hit me so hard, and I wish I understood why. I've never felt this way before. Ever. Those five words just sitting there on her fucking wall.

I guess I'll add it to the list of wretched things that would only happen to me.

I Get By With A little Help From My friends

2008-01-15T01:31:07Z

This past Saturday night was really fun. I went bowling with a bunch of people and I even got to see Sarah. I haven't seen her in forever. Well ok more like a month, but it was a while before that. Then we all went back to her house and watched Superbad.

Last night I went to Alainas house. It was fun minus some awkward stuff that I'm not sure I should elaborate on. But w/e. She gave me my christmas gift though, it was the Amelie dvd 2 disk set! Woooo Love that movie. So we played boggle and then watched that.

And then their was today. Noelle, Morgan, Rick, and Myself met up at Alicia's house for pancakes and terrible television programming. Then we all felt really old because we were looking through her old yearbooks. Yikes. And as if that wasn't bad enough, after that we went the the high school (minus Noelle) because Rick had to get a letter of recommendation. i only knew a few people there. Damn I'm getting old.

OH, and I got my contacts today!

Hooray For Insomnia!

2008-01-10T08:21:41Z

nuff said.

I'm Concerned For The Future Of The Human Race

2008-01-10T05:07:24Z

Ok so temperatures have cooled down significantly since yesterday, but its January and yesterday it was 58 degrees! It has never been that warm before in Buffalo at this time of the year...well at least thats what people have been saying. I mean I was wearing a freakin t-shirt...IN JANUARY! Then last night we had a huge wind storm. It was loud and scary enough to wake me up. I think we should invest more time and money into finding another planet with an earth like atmosphere / terrane lol.

The Time On My Hands Grows So Heavy, I Don't Know If I Can Hold It Anymore.

2008-01-09T04:16:58Z

Break has still been incredibly boring. I really need a job. Not only for my desperate financial situation but because I don't know what to do with myself during the day. I've pretty much been sitting around on my computer and playing my keyboard.....all day.

The other night a bunch of us (Noelle, Nichelle, Rick, Kitty, and Myself) went out to eat at the new Melting Pot restaurant in the Galleria mall. It was incredible! Only, none us us expected it to cost so much. It ended up being $40 a person. CRAZY! But it was sooooooo worth it. It was by far the best dinner I have ever had. And I went out again tonight with Christine, Noelle, and Nichelle. Only this time we went to Chillies because we are hardcore Office fans. WE GOT AN AWESOME BLOSSOM!!!! Only....we forgot to order the extra awesome lol. But those two dining experiences have really been the highlight of this January thus far.

I have a doctors appointment on thursday. I'm nervous.

I Want Someone To Take My Breath Away So Much That I'll Suffocate.

2008-01-03T06:39:06Z

Dear Journal,

Vacation has been going ok so far. I had my christmas party a few nights ago and it was really. LOTS of people showed up lol. I thought my house was going to collapse from all the weight! I hope the people that came enjoyed themselves and I wasnt an uber lame host.

I spent New Years with KT, Aj, Sean, Dave, Dan-yells, Bill, Amy, and Tom. I just met Tom the other night, I think he's a friend of mikes but he's pretty cool. Anyway, all of us (minus amy, we didn't get her until later) went downtown to watch the ball drop. That was pretty crazy. They were throwing volleyballs to the crowd and I jumped to catch one and I was trampled to the ground by many people. It was like a mosh pit and I was scared for my life. But I made it out with only scratches and brushburns so it was ok. Could have been worse I suppose. After that we all went back to daves and KT picked up Amy. While there, everyone got their drink on. Lots of beer and cheap baileys imitations lol. I couldnt even believe the number of games of beer pong that Amy played consecutively. Shes a friggen tank! Then I had an awkward confrontation with a girl named Stacy Dion whom I verbally fought in seventh grade. Of course I won lol. I still remember the two of us sitting in Mr. Whishers office and she was balling her eyes out. And I didnt nor do I still not feel bad. You would have to know the situation but im not going to bother explaining it here. Anyway, enough of memory lane the point is I saw her and it was weird. But she was drunk of her ass. Then her and Karen Ferrman started smoking ganja and she got even more messed up. Then something really weird happened. She came up to me, hugged me and appologized for the mishap in seventh grade. I was amazed that she remembered, also that she even cared enough to say anything.... although she was under the influence.

Today started out really lame. It's the new year and how have I been spending it thus far, by sitting on my ass and doing nothing. Now trust me I would rather be doing other things. I wish I had a job. Kmart screwed me because they said they would take me back during my break and then they changed their minds. UGH. Anyway, being here during the day is sooo boring. I dont know what to do with myself. Today I literally sat bye the front door from the time I woke up (Which was early because I couldnt sleep) until the time the ups guy came to deliver my new digital piano. WHICH DIDNT COME UNTIL 4! It was a long boring wait watching television lol.
But as soon as it came I started to set it up. It was funny because the main unit and all of its parts came in 5 boxes so it looked like I ordered a lot of stuff. But once I got it all set up I started playing right away. Im really pleased with the piano choice I made. I enjoy the touch of this particular board a lot. I could only practice for about an hour though. My hand started to do that weird thing again and my shoulder started to hurt a lot which has been happening after extensive practicing the past year. So I def. have to make an appointment with a doctor and get those two things checked out. I think I'll do that tomorrow.

I'm looking for love this time. Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry.

2007-12-28T23:21:55Z

Ugh, I feel like I'm dying both physically and mentally.

Ok, that was really emo but damn-it I cant help it!

I was looking at some facebook pictures today of some different people I met at columbia. They all seem to be really good friends now. I kinda feel like I could have been apart of that. I don't mind Fredonia as a school but I have no one but Kitty to go back to there. Not that Kitty hasn't been a good friend but I wish I was able to meet more people there. idk, I just suck at it, its not fair.

Theirs something wrong with the ring and pinky fingers of both my hands. Over the past month they have been going numb to the point where I cant feel them anymore. It happens in my right more than my left but its still really concerning me. I think I should go have it looked at but idk. I did some research online and it sounds like something called Cubital Tunnel Syndrome.... but thats said to be rare so doubt it.

I wasn't going to post this, but I didn't want to take any chances.

2007-12-23T20:23:30Z

Post a comment to this entry and I will:

Tell you why I friended you:
1) Associate you with something- fandom, a song, color, a photo etc
2)Tell you something I like about you
3)Tell you a memory I have of you
4)Ask something I have always wanted to know about you
5)Tell you my favorite userpic of you
6)In return you must post this on your livejournal or feel the wrath of the flying spaghetti monster!

I am ridiculous, but there is a method to my madness.

2007-12-22T06:30:06Z

So I really wanted to get a decent keyboard for christmas. I'm not sure if I mentioned that on here or not. Well at first my parents decided to go half in, but the recent financial burdens have made that impossible. And I don't feel bad because I totally understand the circumstances, thats why I took it upon myself to open up a $700 line of credit and buy it myself! Thats right, I just bit the bullet and did it. But I figure I already have my half, and since I don't have to pay interest for 12 months since my purchase was over $500 I should be able to pay it off by the end of this month without a problem. After thats done I'll just throw the card away. Hooray for well thought out financial decisions! Now I just have to wait a week.....its going to be a long one.

Ok, So I'm America's Future, I Get It. But Why Do I Feel Like I Have No Future?

2007-12-21T01:18:27Z

Calc exam today. Didn't go so well. I basically hate myself right now.

I have to pack to go home tonight. I don't really want to go home though. Im in between a rock and a hard place because I'm not happy here nor there. UGH. I wish I could just go back to visit my friends and avoid my house.

Not your Everyday Cirrcumstance

2007-12-15T09:23:53Z

Dear 4:22am,

I'm not sure I like you very much.

Regretfully yours,

Jeff

Well, at least I have this...

2007-12-14T06:27:14Z

So It's 1:25 am and I can't sleep. After over an hour and a half of just lying in bed tossing and turning, I realized I has some sushi in the fridge. So yeah, late night sushi = awesome.

LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN!

2007-12-13T21:22:57Z

Teachers Are Often Known To Be Evil

2007-12-13T04:58:39Z

4 people on my buddy list right now have away messages reporting that they are working on papers. I am also working on a paper. 20 pages in fact. Why must they do this at the end of the semester when they know we should be studying for our exams?

I Enjoy Christmas Lights and Rain Puddles On Tuesdays

2007-12-11T22:49:08Z

Something really strange happened this morning. I woke up to the sound of a lush Gregorian choir singing beautiful melodies. The sound was so full I swear they were hiding in my room somewhere. But as I laid in my bed a thought occurred, the fact that I was hearing a gregorian choir singing way completely illogical. As soon as I had that thought, the music vanished..... silence. It was soo weirrrrd. I think it must have been the remains of a dream I was having or something..idk. But I hope it happens again, it was cool.

The day is going ok I guess. Calc in the morning, then I had my lab practical. I think I did pretty well on it actually. In math we got these teacher evaluation forms that we had to fill out...ugh I hate doing these things. But I totally blasted my math teacher in it. I listed all the things she did that I felt needed serious improvement. But now I kinda feel bad because I had this day dream of her sitting at her kitchen table crying because she got fired. Im sure my little note will have little impact on her employment but I still feel kinda bad. Oh well.

This past weekend was pretty fun. Kt, Dave, Sean, Missy and I went to the "Lights At The Fair". It was the most awesomely lame thing ever. Then we went back to Daves and watched some tv. That was actually kinda awkward because Missy was being really flirty toward me. I dont know when she started to feel that way about me but I'm def. not interested. Saturday night Sean and I went to Lisa's christmas party. Fun times indeed. And Lisa's dog is now officially named "Rosa Parks".

My Nervous System Runs At A C Natural

2007-12-03T06:02:07Z

True Story. Have you even been in a situation where everything is so incredibly quite that you can hear this high pitched frequency in your head? Thats the sound resulting from the electrical firings in your nervous system. So I heard it this morning and noticed that it was running at a C natural. If your ever board, you should try and figure yours out, I'm curious to see if it varies from person to person.

Anyway, now that that is out of the way, let me tell you about my weekend. It was pretty good. I got a ride home from Jared on Friday and we stopped at Kmart on the way back so I could pick up my check. Then the next day I went to the mall with my dad. We had to take my computer to get looked at at the apple store. Then my dad left because I was going to meet Kt and Amy there. So i met up with them in the food court and hey helped me pick out a new winter coat (well I picked it out myself, and they approved lol). I'm terrible at shopping really. But I'm happy with the coat I got. After we were done at the mall be took a ride on Dick. ......Dick road that is lol. And that was fun. Random driving, I love it.

Today was blah. We got our Christmas tree but I dont like it. Its lame. We usually get a really big one but my family is going through a very difficult financial situation. Some guy came to our house the other week and said we have to make a mortgage payment in three days or the bank is going to repossess our house. Scary, yeah. But we'll manage to squeek by somehow. I know I'm not going to get much for christmas (If anything) but I dont really care about that. I'm mostly worried about my younger siblings. I just don't want this christmas to be a depressing one for them. I even had to buy gas for the family car today, sad right?

Now I'm back at Fred and I have to study for the CHEM QUIZ OF DOOOOOM as well as the BIO QUIZ OF ANNOYANCE! But I cant, my head is clouded with the most non-important things. Like...idk. Throughout my entire adolescence I was never in a rush to be in a relationship. I saw some people I knew get into relationships and it really bothered me. Not because I was jealous, just because I felt that they felt that they must be in one because everyone else was. Did that make sense? It was just something I felt was never really important. But recently I'm kinda longing for that companionship. I don't know what the sudden change is from. Maybe from my life's recent changes? Idk. There are somethings I just cant put out of my mind right now, as hard as I try.

And God Heard My Prayer..

2007-11-29T02:39:25Z

I woke up today thinking it was going to be just an ordinary Wednesday. Boring, dull, long.....But boy was I wrong. It started kinda slow I guess; I had Bio as usual. Then I had lunch with Noelle and Kitty which was fun. THEN I went to Chem to take the EXAM OF DOOOOOOM! Only I found out when got there that it was cancelled!!!! I guess there was a fire drill in teh previous class and people walked out with the tests so he had to cancel it. I was soooo happy. He gave them to us anyway as a study guide, I did it earlier so now Im just waiting for him to post the answers. I actually think I did ok. So that was awesome. Then when I got back to my room I found out that I got a paycheck from night desk. I wasn't sure if I would be getting another one or not. It's not much but still its something. Then later I had fencing which was pretty neat, then I went to the library to study for my Calc exam tomorrow. While I was there, I kicked some major Calculus ass. I'm so proud of myself lol. I just hope I can apply what I learned on the test. My math teacher is evil and she puts these stupid fill in the blanks for vocab. on all her tests and theres never a word bank.

Thanksgiving Break, ...OR THE WEEK FROM HELL?!

2007-11-28T02:58:31Z

So yeah, Last week I was on thanksgiving break. The first two days were nice I guess but every day after that I worked. And when I say I worked, I mean I REALLY worked. I had more than 40 hours and the workload was very physical. My feet started to hurt and I was getting really tired. But oh well, It will be a nice paycheck I guess.

So now I'm back at school. I have a chem exam tomorrow that I need to study for.....bah! So I guess I'll be doing that after I'm done here. Earlier today I had a psych. project due, and Kayla had the project because it was a poster presentation. Well I have to say, I got a little pissed off at her today. She showed up 45 minutes late to class. 45 FREAKIN MINUTES! She lives in the hall closest to the building where my class was so she had no reason to be late. But I know why she was, She half assed the poster and tried to construct it right before class. I did all the research work, all she had to do was make it look pretty. She had all break to work on it and she waited until the last minute. The only reason I was so mad about it was because that could have effected my grade. But I basically saved our grade because I was able to talk smart to the class / teacher and everyone was impressed with my presentation. I don't know why, but I've always been a good public speaker. But Im trying to not worry about it. Truth be told, I can't stay mad at someone for more than 5 minutes lol. Just not in my nature.

I recently noticed that I have been wearing the same clothes for years. Seriously, even some of my jeans are kinda floodish. Jeff 2.0 needs a new look. I don't know what that is yet, but I need to go clothes shopping. The only problem is I'm terrible at buying clothes. I usually just end up buying what the mannequins are wearing lol. Anyone want to go with and help me? I know the first thing I want to get is a new coat. But like I said, I'm terrible with this stuff so I dont even know where to start.

Starting yesterday I was finally able to register for classes. Since it is so late I can't get into anything I need! So idk what to do about that. I was hoping to take a foreign language, Chem II, a speaking intensive, and possible an american history. But seriously, ALL THE SESSIONS ARE CLOSED! Ugh.

My mom is cooler than yours. Jealous much?

2007-11-20T04:26:19Z

So I just got back from telling my mom about my little secret (see previous entry). And as I started to prep her for the shock she was like "Oh ok...I see where this is going. I already know and I wish you would have told me sooner." I will admit that I was so happy at that moment in time that I started to cry a little bit. Never before in my life have a cried because I was happy! So I'm really happy that I was finally able to tell her. It's been inside of me for a decade now so I do feel a little strange that she knows. But I could not have asked for a better outcome.

P.S. Totally irrelevant, but Noelle, you are a lifesaver!